Sometimes I really wonder who ever reads this blog of mine which is so consistently abandoned. 2009 has ended. finally. Its been a terrible terrible year for me. Sometimes I really hate to hear myself whining and whining about my stupid life in my blog or FB. But seriously, I cant pretend to be happy too. There are bits and pieces im happy abt in 2009 but some things I went through this year really overpowers that bits and pieces.

Nevertheless,I am still happy that at least I still have those bits and pieces. But just getting tired of experiencing the same old kind of problems all the time. Also I noticed that I really cant be too nice and giving to people because what do i get in return? being shunned,getting the negative vibes. ugh. i just dont know how some people can be so insensitive. well, thats life as u know it. We are Gods game.

There is something I hope to achieve in 2010..but i dont know if thats even remotely possible. But im just going to try. Im just going to keep pressing through to the end.

I know nobody decides if i have the right to be happy. I want to be happy. like genuinely happy and not pretending. I dont know how to do that.

I am not looking for advises nor am i looking for pity.i just wanna be heard. Nobody knows who i really am and what i really feel. really,nobody. just the person up there hearing my heart.

I guess my resolution is just to be genuinely happy this year.not a fake not a facade. I hope.

I just cant comprehend. I am happy and thankful to what i have. thankful,yes. but the happiness is just a lie.. how do i get out of this mess. I cant wallow in self pity and feel sorry for myself. I need to do something. but i cant right now. I am stuck. sometimes i just feel like running away. just like everyone did. but i chose to stay. and now i have to be responsible. for everything. i cant do this alone. I dont know what to do. I dont know if im doing it right. what have i become? I cant do this anymore. who would understand? what am i to do? i dont know. i dont know. i just wanna break away. i wanna be free. :'(

this is my blog and my space. I can write whatever I want right? but well thats not true. There are so many things that I cant say..So many..too many dark hidden feelings i cant show or say.. oh well..



Sitting all alone in the room
Thinking that the world's let you down
All i ever wanted to do is trust
Someone to always be around

I've had a lot of lessons to learn from
Some of them hit me so hard
And I keep believing that someday I'll see
I don't have to be alone

It doesnt have to hurt me forever,
it doesnt have to last for too long.
If you're there just to listen and to hold
I just have to know..

That there's somebody out there
somebody somewhere
To show me the tenderness I need
somebody to hold me
When worries control me
someone to embrace me in sadness and despair
I'd give anything to have you with me.
Anything..

Have you ever felt so bloody emotional about something that it makes you feel like you are going to go crazy?? I do. Thats what I felt earlier in the afternoon. I hate feeling that way. I hate feeling emotional. Sometimes i wish i can be an insensitive person so that it wont hurt even when someone tries and intentionally hurt me.

I joined aimi and shahid for the twilight movie, NEWMOON. :) I felt like a lamp post la. But we're all friends just the same. I liked the movie but it was a little too draggy for me. Believe me,till now, I think bella swan hould be played by a prettier actress. The movie was quite messy but its still okay for me. Sometimes..bella reminds me of myself..haa..

After the movie we went to Mac to eat and we chatted a LOT! Its been a long time since me and aimi..with the presence of shahid talked about STUFF. and really stuff. Aimi found out things that she never knew. ;) and yea.. it was a really good chat. They definitely made my day though. It did not turn out very bad after all..

oh and 1/12/09 is a special day. :)

So yesterday was Resonate 2009..Well..I think they did quite good..And I liked the finale although the sound system could be a little better during some parts of the show..I hope people especially the singers had fun cause it seems like they were quite tired.

Before Resonate I was working from morning and made my way down. I was pretty exhausted already..And guess what I did after Resonate?? Followed Riche to play bowling. Oh my gawdd.. Imagine how tired I was. Ok,stop complaining.

Today is Sunday and tomorrow is work again.. Actually,I ve got nothing much to blog today..hmm..nothing interesting. hee. Well, life is of course interesting and full of stories..but like they always say..somethings are better left unsaid..

Its sunday morning! *sings* ,Sunday morning rain is falling..steal some cover ,share some skin *sings*

Today is the day!! Of Resonate 2009..! haha. Well,I joined back pushmusic. Reason being, I miss music and singing! I haven’t been singing ever since I stopped class. Of course apart from horrible karaoke moments. Its kinda not proper singing. Well yesterday I sang Can’t Help falling in love..The nerves always gets the best of me. I need to break out of that to do well..Still can’t seem to do so but will have to anyway. On a whole,at least I could carry out a tune..

Life as usual has been so hectic.. I find myself awfully packed all the time..Well,27th November is Hari Raya Haji! It means.. Holiday for me! Rest rest.

Okay, change of topic..I am very sure girls get this a lot.. I feel nauseated and extremely uncomfortable everytime when you are so tired...and when you can’t be bothered with anything else but just getting home to sleep, men..! or mats...whatever you call it will disturb you when you are minding your own business in the train. Ive grown tired and disgusted by their stupid stares and their constant “can i have ur number?” Give me a break man. I am sure some guys or even girls will read this and think that I am not grateful for the attention and etc. I am awfully flattered by the attention, but when it gets too much, it erks me. Especially when I am tired. Leave me alone. I’d rather be invisible. Seriously, it’s not that great to have strangers coming up to you. My dear friend Nisha would know how I feel as she saw how irritated i am with these people.


Yesterday,I never felt so mad till I don’t want to talk to the person I was mad with. Never felt like that before. So much angst in me. I hope to not feel that way again..It’s not a nice feeling.

I do not know why but i just feel soo.. exhausted. I just need one more day of restt.. pleasseee?? haha.

I wanted to go out and watch a movie yesterday. ended up theres nothing to watch! Thought of watching jennifers body but me and rich didnt think it was worth it coz its predictable. might as well just download it.

2010 will be filled with excitng movies! cant wait. so..we just walked all the way to..some random and happens to be popular soya bean shop and ate you tiao! beancurd! niice! i liked it!

After which we went to sing songs at kbox! haha. we sang stupid songs that we cant sing too. gosh we sounded horrible. I am chatting with so many ppl on msn now.. so gotta go!

Im suppose to be sleeping!

Oh well, somebody went to Bangkok without me yesterday. haha. So trying to fill my time up and occupy myself. Watched some kiddish movie, Camp rock with the little ones yesterday. Quite a cute show.

Did you guys watched the amazing race? The participants are at Dubai now..One of the couple got eliminated just because the girlfriend was afraid to go down the water slide. *poof* One million dollars is gone. How wasted. I do like the couple who got first place. They are really cool. Very cooperative and loads of team spirit. I cant remember their names.

If I have to do it for a million dollars I might have done it. But if not..er..I dont think so. haha. I think the slide was too steep and there are sharks at the bottom end!

Dubai looks like a really nice country but almost all the participants were complaining that it was very hot! But i might want to go there for a holiday or something. It looks really cool. A desert turned into one of the most modernised country in the world.


I have to go to a wedding tomorrow.My cousin is getting married tomorrow. My close cousin my mum says but I dont even really know her. Just know what she looks like. I havent attended a wedding in a while. I hope it'll not be too boring.

I want to watch Jennifers body. Although i think the story line is VERY PREDICTABLE.. Everbody is talking about it,kinda the only reason why i want to watch it. besides megan fox.

I am so simple to love yet so hard to read.

nisha
aimi
faezah
weyying
adah
fid
amsyar
liyana
dalilah
syafiqah
ika
naddy
humairah