Sunday, March 29, 2009
As much as I really like it when it rains bcoz the weather has been so hot lately, I feel rather moody and gloomy.. I'm actually having a good time just staying at home watching DVDs, being online and just relax.. but.. my butt is really itchy.. I wanna go out!! I dont really like being @ home during my off days coz i feel it'd be a total waste. I am already going to work tmr.Oh well..There's a lot of things Im worried about @ work and I'm putting it out of my mind for now. The truth is, I dont know how long I can stay in the company. I'm just staying for the sake of staying and beautifying my resume in future. Plus, get a much higher paying job so I could still commit to whatever commitments I have now plus still being able to save up and continue schooling.
The world is indeed spinning too fast and sometimes I just wish it would pause for a moment for me to take a breather.. I want to do something beautiful..
My dream was never to be rich..never to have whatever I want in the world.. The one thing that I really want is to see and feel beauty. yes.. but not by being beautiful.. but by experiencing beautiful things that life has to offer.. Like being in some place where there are no high rise buildings or cars or roads but being on a vast piece of land facing a beautiful ocean..having the wind blowing on your face.. able to hear the sound of beautiful music playing.. lying on my back having to face a clear blue sky.. having to turn my head to the side and someone I love is embracing the moment with me.. Just being peaceful and enjoying the serenity and being.. happy. Its hard to have this picture painted perfectly in your head only to realise it is all just a fantasy and having to wake up to face the world.the reality. harsh. self centered reality.
I'm scared. Scared everyday. Things that might happen and will happen.. I have always told myself I will achieve that picture I have painted in my head. For fantasy to become a reality. For me to feel that a part of the world is not harsh and there is a tinge of happiness and beauty in it. It makes me feel more alive to hope that one day I would have that moment. I will be free.
Reality check now. Im going back to work tmr... Im not having any illusions. I will make sure what I dream becomes real.
♥ posted on 1:55 AM
