fallen angel

new year!

2010-01-01T08:22:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I really wonder who ever reads this blog of mine which is so consistently abandoned. 2009 has ended. finally. Its been a terrible terrible year for me. Sometimes I really hate to hear myself whining and whining about my stupid life in my blog or FB. But seriously, I cant pretend to be happy too. There are bits and pieces im happy abt in 2009 but some things I went through this year really overpowers that bits and pieces.

Nevertheless,I am still happy that at least I still have those bits and pieces. But just getting tired of experiencing the same old kind of problems all the time. Also I noticed that I really cant be too nice and giving to people because what do i get in return? being shunned,getting the negative vibes. ugh. i just dont know how some people can be so insensitive. well, thats life as u know it. We are Gods game.

There is something I hope to achieve in 2010..but i dont know if thats even remotely possible. But im just going to try. Im just going to keep pressing through to the end.

I know nobody decides if i have the right to be happy. I want to be happy. like genuinely happy and not pretending. I dont know how to do that.

I am not looking for advises nor am i looking for pity.i just wanna be heard. Nobody knows who i really am and what i really feel. really,nobody. just the person up there hearing my heart.

I guess my resolution is just to be genuinely happy this year.not a fake not a facade. I hope.

trying to understand

2009-12-07T23:38:00.000-08:00

I just cant comprehend. I am happy and thankful to what i have. thankful,yes. but the happiness is just a lie.. how do i get out of this mess. I cant wallow in self pity and feel sorry for myself. I need to do something. but i cant right now. I am stuck. sometimes i just feel like running away. just like everyone did. but i chose to stay. and now i have to be responsible. for everything. i cant do this alone. I dont know what to do. I dont know if im doing it right. what have i become? I cant do this anymore. who would understand? what am i to do? i dont know. i dont know. i just wanna break away. i wanna be free. :'(

falling.

2009-12-02T01:05:00.001-08:00

this is my blog and my space. I can write whatever I want right? but well thats not true. There are so many things that I cant say..So many..too many dark hidden feelings i cant show or say.. oh well..

Sitting all alone in the room
Thinking that the world's let you down
All i ever wanted to do is trust
Someone to always be around

I've had a lot of lessons to learn from
Some of them hit me so hard
And I keep believing that someday I'll see
I don't have to be alone

It doesnt have to hurt me forever,
it doesnt have to last for too long.
If you're there just to listen and to hold
I just have to know..

That there's somebody out there
somebody somewhere
To show me the tenderness I need
somebody to hold me
When worries control me
someone to embrace me in sadness and despair
I'd give anything to have you with me.
Anything..

new moon

2009-11-29T23:59:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt so bloody emotional about something that it makes you feel like you are going to go crazy?? I do. Thats what I felt earlier in the afternoon. I hate feeling that way. I hate feeling emotional. Sometimes i wish i can be an insensitive person so that it wont hurt even when someone tries and intentionally hurt me.

I joined aimi and shahid for the twilight movie, NEWMOON. :) I felt like a lamp post la. But we're all friends just the same. I liked the movie but it was a little too draggy for me. Believe me,till now, I think bella swan hould be played by a prettier actress. The movie was quite messy but its still okay for me. Sometimes..bella reminds me of myself..haa..

After the movie we went to Mac to eat and we chatted a LOT! Its been a long time since me and aimi..with the presence of shahid talked about STUFF. and really stuff. Aimi found out things that she never knew. ;) and yea.. it was a really good chat. They definitely made my day though. It did not turn out very bad after all..

oh and 1/12/09 is a special day. :)

eventful and exhausting day

2009-11-15T11:26:00.000-08:00

So yesterday was Resonate 2009..Well..I think they did quite good..And I liked the finale although the sound system could be a little better during some parts of the show..I hope people especially the singers had fun cause it seems like they were quite tired.

Before Resonate I was working from morning and made my way down. I was pretty exhausted already..And guess what I did after Resonate?? Followed Riche to play bowling. Oh my gawdd.. Imagine how tired I was. Ok,stop complaining.

Today is Sunday and tomorrow is work again.. Actually,I ve got nothing much to blog today..hmm..nothing interesting. hee. Well, life is of course interesting and full of stories..but like they always say..somethings are better left unsaid..

Its sunday morning! *sings* ,Sunday morning rain is falling..steal some cover ,share some skin *sings*

as usual,i'm sleepy.

2009-11-14T14:00:00.000-08:00

Today is the day!! Of Resonate 2009..! haha. Well,I joined back pushmusic. Reason being, I miss music and singing! I haven’t been singing ever since I stopped class. Of course apart from horrible karaoke moments. Its kinda not proper singing. Well yesterday I sang Can’t Help falling in love..The nerves always gets the best of me. I need to break out of that to do well..Still can’t seem to do so but will have to anyway. On a whole,at least I could carry out a tune..

Life as usual has been so hectic.. I find myself awfully packed all the time..Well,27th November is Hari Raya Haji! It means.. Holiday for me! Rest rest.

Okay, change of topic..I am very sure girls get this a lot.. I feel nauseated and extremely uncomfortable everytime when you are so tired...and when you can’t be bothered with anything else but just getting home to sleep, men..! or mats...whatever you call it will disturb you when you are minding your own business in the train. Ive grown tired and disgusted by their stupid stares and their constant “can i have ur number?” Give me a break man. I am sure some guys or even girls will read this and think that I am not grateful for the attention and etc. I am awfully flattered by the attention, but when it gets too much, it erks me. Especially when I am tired. Leave me alone. I’d rather be invisible. Seriously, it’s not that great to have strangers coming up to you. My dear friend Nisha would know how I feel as she saw how irritated i am with these people.

Yesterday,I never felt so mad till I don’t want to talk to the person I was mad with. Never felt like that before. So much angst in me. I hope to not feel that way again..It’s not a nice feeling.

tiring weekend

2009-11-08T06:16:00.000-08:00

I do not know why but i just feel soo.. exhausted. I just need one more day of restt.. pleasseee?? haha.

I wanted to go out and watch a movie yesterday. ended up theres nothing to watch! Thought of watching jennifers body but me and rich didnt think it was worth it coz its predictable. might as well just download it.

2010 will be filled with excitng movies! cant wait. so..we just walked all the way to..some random and happens to be popular soya bean shop and ate you tiao! beancurd! niice! i liked it!

After which we went to sing songs at kbox! haha. we sang stupid songs that we cant sing too. gosh we sounded horrible. I am chatting with so many ppl on msn now.. so gotta go!

Im suppose to be sleeping!

miss miss miss euuu

2009-10-31T10:50:00.000-07:00

Oh well, somebody went to Bangkok without me yesterday. haha. So trying to fill my time up and occupy myself. Watched some kiddish movie, Camp rock with the little ones yesterday. Quite a cute show.

Did you guys watched the amazing race? The participants are at Dubai now..One of the couple got eliminated just because the girlfriend was afraid to go down the water slide. *poof* One million dollars is gone. How wasted. I do like the couple who got first place. They are really cool. Very cooperative and loads of team spirit. I cant remember their names.

If I have to do it for a million dollars I might have done it. But if not..er..I dont think so. haha. I think the slide was too steep and there are sharks at the bottom end!

Dubai looks like a really nice country but almost all the participants were complaining that it was very hot! But i might want to go there for a holiday or something. It looks really cool. A desert turned into one of the most modernised country in the world.

I have to go to a wedding tomorrow.My cousin is getting married tomorrow. My close cousin my mum says but I dont even really know her. Just know what she looks like. I havent attended a wedding in a while. I hope it'll not be too boring.

I want to watch Jennifers body. Although i think the story line is VERY PREDICTABLE.. Everbody is talking about it,kinda the only reason why i want to watch it. besides megan fox.

shivers

2009-10-27T05:12:00.000-07:00

I was feeling very groggy and dizzy at work yesterday. Maybe because of the hours staring into the computer. I felt really terrible. By the time I ended work, my whole body was shivering and I felt that i couldn’t breathe. I proceeded straight to Maxwell food centre to grab something to eat. I decided to have porridge. Even when i tried to put some chilli in on my porridge I spilled it. Because my hands were shaking. Prfft. After a few minutes, I felt a whole lot better. Still..I was wondering why I had that shiver. Seems pretty scary. I felt like I was going to have a fit anytime. Luckily nothing happened.

I cant wait to get back home today actually. Reason being is,I do not want to miss my all time favourite The Mentalist and CSI Miami! And to rest..extremely exhausted.

Anyway,I am the kind of a person who will give a 100 percent to the people who are very close to me and to whom the people whom i love. But i sometimes feel that I give in too much. Whenever I tried standing up for myself to the people I love, I end up giving in again because I do not want to lose them or I o not want any negative energy around. But if i keep quiet, things will happen, unhappy things. Again and again. I’ll eventually get hurt again and again. I do not want to always be in this situation. To me, if I am as important to them as they are to me, they would try to understand. Standing up for myself is tiring cause everyone has their egos. But keeping quiet, taking it, giving in is even more draining. I'll pray that everyday will be better.

getting out of hand.

2009-10-25T07:50:00.000-07:00

wow. 115 pendin request on FB. dont these people just get it?

HELLO EVERYONE!!

2009-10-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

Wow,again, I failed to update my blog. Ive been too busy with my new job..Adjusting to it and etc. I am definitely much much happier now! Still..I feel very exhausted after work all the time.

Hmm.. I went swimming with Rich just now. I did like 6 laps? I think my stamnia is quite horrible now. I first swam for 2 laps and I already have some cramps. That shows how long I havent been excercising! hahah.

Since I just started my new job,I only had my two weeks pay the month back and I am really broke now! lol. I hope November comes fast!

Oooh.I watched Pandorum yesterday. Seriously, I thought it was gonna be a typical sci-fi movie.. aliens and all that. Apparently it was really good. It seems quite realistic.

Heres the movie review below.heee. quite an extended one.

Two astronauts, Bower (Ben Foster) and Payton (Dennis Quaid), wake up from suspended animation to find themselves alone, with no memory of who they are, what they are doing, or what has happened to the crew of their 60,000 passenger (stated as 16,000 in the movie by Payton, conflicting with the trailer) sleeper ship the Elysium. They are unable to access the ship's bridge, and cannot communicate with any other members of the crew, including the flight team they are to relieve.^[5] While exploring the spacecraft under Payton's radio guidance, Bower talks with Payton about Pandorum, a psychological condition brought on by extended periods of hyper-sleep (suspended animation) and its symptoms and effects, including severe paranoia, vivid hallucinations, and homicidal tendencies.

As Bower explores on, he encounters dead bodies, and fast moving humanoid creatures. Escaping from one of them, he then encounters other human survivors, and they work together to reach the ship's nuclear reactor. The reactor will fail permanently if Bower does not reset it soon. Moving on, the group encounters another survivor, who tells them the story of what had happened before they awakened. Their mission is revealed to be one of desperation. Earth, suffering from massive overpopulation, dispatched the sleeper ship and its crew on a 123-year voyage to a new, Earth-like planet to create a settlement. When the ship receives one last message from Earth, informing them that Earth was no more and that they were the last survivors, one of the three crew members awake (as there are usually three flight crew active at any one shift) turned insane, killed his other two crew mates, then played God by awakening most of the crew and locking them away. When he grew bored of it, he went back into suspended animation and left the crew locked away. Genetic augments that every crew member had received prior to the mission (for quick adaptation to the new planet) had instead adapted them to the ship, turning them into the cannibalistic monsters that Bower and the other survivors have been encountering. This survivor then knocks them out with gas. Upon awakening, they find themselves chained up, with the survivor about to kill them for food.

Meanwhile, Payton discovers another crew member, Gallo, who reveals to him that he was part of the flight crew that received the message from Earth. After receiving the Earth's last message, Gallo gives a different account from what Bower has heard, that the other two crew mates with Gallo had an onset of Pandorum and, eventually, Gallo was forced to kill them in order to survive. By now, most of the ship's population is either dead or mutated.

Bower manages to convince the survivor to allow them to restart the ship reactor. The group fight their way to the ship's reactor, and Bower eventually restarts it. While moving through the passenger hypersleep storage area, he sees the pod for Payton's wife, and his memories now allow him to realize that Payton is not who he says he is. Payton is actually Gallo, and the "Gallo" that the audience has been seeing, is actually just the other part of "Payton's" consciousness, and the man who has been calling himself Payton is in fact the aged Gallo, who was the one to succumb to Pandorum and kill his other two crew mates.

The ship had in fact reached its destination a long time ago, landing in the ocean of the planet. Bower then fights with Payton/Gallo while simultaneously battling the symptoms of Pandorum, and during this he inadvertently causes a hull breach, allowing water to start pouring in, killing Payton/Gallo. Bower escapes with the last known survivor by ejecting his hibernation chamber from the ship. The hull breach causes the ship's computer to initiate an emergency evacuation, ejecting the remaining 1,211 crew members still hibernating and unmutated. These remaining survivors are then able to begin building their settlement, finally fulfilling their mission as Year 1 of the human race the new planet.

It basically summarises the whole movie. Oh well. haha. If you like what you were reading then..go watch!

Okay,gonna watch flashforward for the first time now!

finally

2009-08-08T08:59:00.000-07:00

First things first,this time its real. very real. I RESIGNED!! woohooo! I am free. haha. well,not till after I serve my one month notice. I feel so finally relieved although I wish I could just walk away without serving my notice.

So much had happened in the tiny tourism company with a big name. So many contreversial issues that..I wont bring up. Cause if i do,I dont think there'd be a full stop behind any word.

I am more interested in being free and happy than being in a stressful working environment with so much angst around me. I feel very comfortable and happy being with the ones I love and around people giving me support. I'll be on leave all the way till next wednesday. I put in my letter last friday. 7-Aug. Cannot believe I've been working in the company for over a year. Well,at least my resume is beautified now. heh.

I am gonna watch G.I JOE Rise of the Cobra on Monday with Riche. He booked gold class @ GV Great World.I heard so many good reviews about it. Something to look forward to.

As of now,I have my dreams and goals etched inside my head and I am working towards achieving it.I was put through so many test. Keep on facing countless obstacles. Sometimes I ask myself why do I have to go through soooooo many things just to get something that is achievable to anyone else out there. For those who are close enough to me would know what it is.

And I hope the quick update helps. I feel HAPPIER though I have to be strong this one month coz i know they'll look at me in a different light.and the ultimate happiness will be in a months time. hee.

hey love

2009-07-19T02:56:00.001-07:00

I am sorry for everything. I am sorry making the same mistakes over and over again. I never meant it. I'm really sorry. I'm always prone to my clumsy mistakes.

I have been in love before,bt ppl i use to love walk right out the door.but you.You never walked away even after my countless mistakes.It drives me crazy when i'm filled with guilt. You are all that I need right now. Nobody else.

You held on and understood. You've always tried to make me stand when I keep on falling.Your love for me is unconditional. Now I know. I want to do the things that will make you happy. And I will. Once again I said it. But this time,trust me I'll do it. Trust me. I want to make you happy. This is a written promise I wont break anymore.

you give me strength to get by the day. Its hard to get by the day without hearing from you.I know you wont be gone for long but please keep me in your heart.

Thank you for being wonderful and sincere. Thank you for just being..you. <3

Oh how I've missed you already. I'll run right to your arms and embrace you once you come back. Love u dear.

dont go.

2009-07-18T17:57:00.000-07:00

1 week is just too long.. Please come back soon. :'(

2009-07-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

I QUIT!!!!

That felt good.

story telling

2009-07-13T08:13:00.001-07:00

A story to be told.

"very confused. just dont know why I feel different about everything. just sat and recollected. At first, I felt so important and so needed. I look back thinking about a million ways reasons I got into it. And I thought it was worth it because he was different. I know I cant compare then and now. But then again certain things should stay the same if you love someone.

There are a lot of things that I cant exactly explain in words but somehow it has to be felt. I feel that sometimes when you are always with someone,you can feel what they are feeling. Love is not as complicated as it seems but we are the ones who makes it damn hard to understand.

When you first get to know someone you are really interested in. You let out your feelings, pour your whole heart out,sacrifice everything just to be with the person. Promising that if you are going to be together,he/she will treat you like no other.Even cried for the person and yearning for the persons love.When you finally get to be with the person and eventually the other half falls deeply in love with you and believe with whatever you have promised,you feel contented. You feel that your mission is accomplished.Then you start thinking about the future.

Theres this saying that goes; you cant change the past but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future. But somehow you just happen to think about the future only after you commit yourself. That is definitely not fair for the other half.. Then, you think about letting go.. After you had tried everything to get the person to be with you and to fall in love with you. When the tension heats up..you start blaming the other party for everything that has ever happened. You get sick of the person when he/she starts giving his/her all.Sacrificing for you. You just want space, time alone.. Cause you wonder,am I doing the right thing? Am I making the right decision? Do I really love him/her? Or is this any other passing relationship? Once in a while you find yourself diverting attention to another girl/guy because you are confused with what you want. Your other party feels and knows it but keeps quiet though very hurt.

You would tend to throw tantrums or be in a really foul and bad mood when he/she tried to care. Tried to love. You just tend to neglect that he/she cares. You tend to neglect that he/she have feelings. You know that you love him/her but sometimes you just dont care. You are too proud to even say it. Because you are not sure if you really love him/her or you are just holding on to the memories,or reputation or the fact that you have done a lot for your other half. You see, its not fair for your partner as he/she keeps on fighting with so much emotions. Because he/she is so close to you that he/she is able to feel you. Really feel you.And actually knows what you are feeling deep down. Especially if he/she loves you very much.

Its different. the feeling is very different. Your partner wants you to be the way you were during dating days . Just by caring,feeling and more sensitive like how it used to be. Just showing and once in a while saying that you love each other. Giving the fullest attention,warmth care and concern. Its like feeling that they are the only ones who exist and can give their whole heart to you. Treasure them not just by saying it.. By showing it.. To be completely honest with feelings.. Trusting that they are the only ones who can make you feel so special. Telling everything..being transparent.. Just like how it used to be.

If things are still the same..quietly,your partner keeps getting hurt,keeps fighting back tears. For a past to come back. If he/she realises that it is never possible, if he/she feels that they can never be so special and wonderful like how it used to be.. If he/she finally gives up..He/she will starts learning to try and live without each other.. If he/she finally finds the strength to give it all up.. to start realising that she should be treated better..to start to realise that someone else out there will make her feel like she's the only special one again.. She will finally drift away...and disappear forever.

You may start thinking about everything I've done wrong. But start thinking about everything I've done right. You may start wondering what you have done wrong,but question yourself, everytime you change,everytime you hurt me. Have you considered my feelings..? Every single time you think I am okay,deep down you are so very wrong.

I am always here for you. Always. But will only be here because you need me and not want me. "

-end-

"dreams do come true"

2009-07-11T22:52:00.000-07:00

Regarding the above mentioned title.. Sometimes I really hate it when people say that. Dreams do come true..follow your dreams..etc. It is sooo cliche.

At times what you dream of is not really what you become in the end though at times what you become in the end is actually what you might like..or maybe not. It depends. Secretly I have so many dreams and aspirations I wish I could work forward to achieve it. Yeah, im following my dreams but commitments keep on tying me down. Sometimes strangling me. I do have a choice. But the choice I have made involves integrity and a whole chunk of responsibility. which is why it is so difficult to be selfish and let go. People may say I'm still young but hey, I dont wanna waste time..! Time is so precious. oh gosh. Trying to be patient and hope what lies ahead for me is something brighter. I love my life right now. but then again who is ever satisfied with what they have. I'm not asking for more. But I just wish that magically a fairygodmother would appear and grant my wish. Hmm..

Anyway,I'm at work now. Trying to focus but its kinda hard considering that its a Sunday afternoon. 4.5 hours more!! I would not be having vocal classes for 2 weeks. shucks. I did not sleep well last night and is wishing to take a nap at work. hahaha. oh well, class 95 is keeping me company for now.

I'll make sure I'll catch this movie!humph

update.

2009-07-11T07:16:00.000-07:00

this is my first entry of July. as usual. nothing much to say..hmm.

Work has always been crazy for me. Err..not particularly me. but the surroundings. So many unhappy staff around..tsk tsk.. really really horrible.

Anyway,not looking forward to come work on Monday..grr. getting very very heavy hearted to go to work. Worst of all,I dont want the 3rd week of July to come. Why? Cause my syg is going reservist!!! :((( sigh.. for a week! thats quite long for me ok.. Hmm..So sad. Anyway,he cooked for me today! how sweet. :)

and why is everbody still talking bout Michael Jackson?? I know we should remember him and all that but it makes me feel even sad thinking that he is like ...gone.

Gosh. this Rin on the rox on youtube are really amazing singers!

writings on my wall

2009-06-26T02:40:00.000-07:00

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry.
Have you ever needed something so bad,you cant sleep at night.
Have you ever tried to find the words but they dont,come out right. Have you ever?

Have you ever been in love? Been in love so bad. You'd do anything,to make them understand. Have you ever found someone you give your whole heart to. Only to find that one..wont give the heart to you. Have you ever closed your eyes and dream that they were there. And all you can do is wait. For the day when they will care.

What do i got to do to get you in my arms? what do i got to say to get to your heart? to make you understand,how i need you next to me,got to have you in my world,coz baby i cant sleep.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, saddest news of all.. MICHAEL JACKSON is DEAD. Sigh. Still cant believe its true.. Somehow, i grew up listening to his songs..And knows that he is always around. What truly inspires me about him is his patience and kindness towards children. but yet.. all the false accusations about him truly pisses me off. Well..he will always be remembered.

Today is yet another farewell for my colleague. Should i go ? or shouldnt i go? hm.. Karaoke??

A frustrating day.

2009-06-18T07:15:00.000-07:00

Firstly I'm gonna start off with my frustrating day at office. Being shouted at by nasty customers 3 to 4 times in a row. How frustrating is that. Futhermore over the phone when you cant get back them. grrr. I was so busy with so many things at work and I still needed to entertatin all the downright rude buggers!

Anyway,I feel excited to blog today. Somehow it feels like typing your emotions out is better than talking to anybody. I keep having bad days. Really really bad days.. Sometimes it gets too much that you feel like you have gotten really depressed. I'm better now.Things are slightly better. But more or less pretty much the same.

Sometimes I'm very angered about certain things..for example..you have commited a mistake. You feel really sorry and guilty about it means you are genuinely sincere that it was a mistake. But the other party inisist on repeating that you have commited a mistake and keeps pressing on it. Its really frustrating. Its like adding oil to fire. You know you have comitted a mistake and is feeling sorry about it but yet they think you are not taking it seriously. On the other hand, when it comes to them..we keep having to give in and to understand them. pfffffffftt. frustrating.

I hope brighter days will come again. Anyway, I am having so much fun working with my shitty very very funny philipino colleague. The best colleague I ever had! Pictures ae below.

We call each other..shit heads!! haha. I have no idea what that means though.

**missing you..fill my lonely heart with love..

home sweet home again

2009-06-08T19:14:00.000-07:00

I've been sick for the past week. Today is my last day of my MC.must enjoy it while it last.. sitting on my bed..with the air con blasting..while going online..listening to some good music..I just cant seem to stop coughing and my nose still feels congested. I felt really really weak yesterday. I think the medicine was too strong for me. I dont dare take it now.

Ive been browsing and reading through peoples blog and I realise some people.. gain popularity or even make themselves look so good online..Like certain teenagers will excessively put photos of themselves on their blog and expect people to compliment them. Some even..will put fake messages on their chatbox "complimenting them" so that people will be jealous of them. Ive observed this kinda people for too long.. when some blog readers realise her tricks he/she will put hate tags on her chatbox.. and her friends will come along and tag to say these people(the ones who put hate tags) are just JEALOUS. familiar? but they(the blogger) likes this attention..cause it will appear to everyone that she is popular and everyone wants to be her when the ugly truth is that she created the whole attention thing on her own and the fact is that she is just an average kid.

I dont know if anyone understands what I was trying to say but im glad I got it out. Cause these teenagers..AMAZES me.. and sometimes it gives me a good laugh.

Anyway,i've been watching Harper's Island and I'm really getting into the show. The incredible mystery. I really wonder who the murderer is. Usually you have to suspect the unsuspected.but who is the unsuspected? what motives does the murderer have? and it is definitely about this Abby. but why? hmm.. Alright i'll leave the suspense to just every Sundays. lol.

I met Faith yesterday.. She seems to talk much more now.. but sometimes what she says doesnt make any sense. haha.

HI! I'M FAITH! :)

hahaa..and Rich and I are obssessed with PSP games. He even have to take a picture with the PSP.lol.tsk tsk.

Today Ive so much to blog about but I dont want to blog too much or people will fall asleep reading it. Well..Its not that I know of anyone who dilligently reads this blog cause my entries are updated once in a blue moon.. hmm.. Oh no.. back to work tmr!.. bleah..

at home.

2009-06-02T20:22:00.000-07:00

Here I am, at home and not working...why? because my mummy is not well so decided to stay at home and spend some time with her. She has got UTI and she looks really sick. Anyway,I guess I need the break from work as well.

I want to watch Monsters and Aliens but Rich didnt want to cause he said he dont wanna spend money on cartoon movies.. :( haiz.. Sometimes I dont know what to blog about which actually kinda shows how boring my life is. haha. Not exactly. I guess I have too much to say that I dont even know where to start.

I have got an offer to be a model for someones portfolio. hmmm. interesting. I think I'll go for it. Cause no harm doing it for free and for fun! Besides, I can make my own portfolio too!

I dont know what i'm gonna do for the rest of the day today but i'm going to have my ultimate rest!! heheheeee.

frequent updates? right.

2009-05-31T06:22:00.001-07:00

hahaa. i have no idea why I keep having trouble keeping up with updating my blog. I dont know how some people can actually update their blogs on a daily basis. haha.

Anyway..nothing quite interesting happened so far.. just that work gets tougher and tougher cause you are trying to keep up with the management level.

There are certain times when i feel so empty and lost. Like sometimes..you have no idea what you are doing in your life or whats your futures gonna be.. ive been feeling like that a lot recently. i know what i want. but sometimes some people are not lucky enough to work towards it so soon because they are binded with commitments and responsibilty.

Also recently, i find myself falling deeper and deeper.. its like an a drug..love. love is a drug. Sometimes you just cant get by your day without it. some things are better left unsaid..but what i'm sure of is that right now..I have him by my side. always.

im here im here!!

2009-05-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

I felt like I have abandoned this space for too long! It feels good to be letting out your feelings here again. I'll make it a point to have more frequent updates. Well, reason being is because I have shifted house and I have been really busy for the past 2 weeks. My house is not done yet. I'll be on leave tmr specially because the air conditioner and the lights and ceiling fans are coming in. So a lot of work and cleaning to be done before and after the process.

My room is almost almost done. Just need to purchase a side table. I'm just doing it reallll slow. The theme of my room is pink black and white. My bed is black. And i'm cushly on my bed with my little bunny and my laptop right now. I dont know how long an entry I can type right now cause the truth is I have so many things on my mind. I feel like I can type the whole night and my entry wouldnt finish. nah just kidding.

Work has been great. Tiring ,yes, a lot of thinking, yes. But its okay.. Same old same old. However, I have the idea of leaving the company etched inside my head. I have been sending out resumes and all.. So its only a matter of time. Its not that I dont like them or whatsover..er..I have my reasons..

I have to admit the past few weeks I have been so down and out.. The world just crashed on me and etc.. but I feel stronger now.. way stronger. I felt till I couldnt feel anymore, I cried till I couldnt cry. Its not that I gave up but just let nature take its course.. Everything seems to be okay again and like they say, if you have fallen so deep the only way to go back is to pick yourself up.

I think I'll be kinda exhausted tmr. Having people arond my house fixing air cons and doing some electrical stuff. nooo privacy from morning till late afternoon. hmmph.

Okay better get some rest tonight. Ciao.

picking myself up.

2009-04-24T23:11:00.000-07:00

Things are still the same. Complicated and rocky but I'm trying to pick myself up and try to rise above adversity.. I need to do something fun. Something that will make happy and go crazy.

hmm. maybe I should go and have fun auditioning for Singpore Idol.

hahahaha. That'd be fun.

the most horrible month

2009-04-19T04:26:00.000-07:00

I cant wait for this month to end. Life has been so bad.. So stressful,horrible, sad like never before. I have always liked the idea of staying happy no matter how bad the situation is. But everything this month seems to just crumble. Its like the whole world is on top of me and it's just too heavy for me to carry that i'm just flattened on the ground. Usually putting on a facade seems easy. Happy and smile no matter what im going thru. but now, I cant seem to hide it. Everything i feel i just openly express. All of my emotions, i just blatantly blurt it out. I cant seem to face this. I am stronger than this. But all of a sudden I feel like giving up. Giving up has consequences. See? I cant escape. I have to deal with it. How?

I need to be much stronger. I need support. I need direction. I need to take control.

gosh. I just want to be happy. :'(

....

2009-04-14T09:51:00.000-07:00

I just cant take this pain anymore!!! Come on.. Life has got to be better than this. :'( :'(

Birthday Girl!!

2009-04-10T20:10:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY PRETTY LITTLE SISTER. i LOVE u!! MUAKZ MUAKZ.

back

2009-04-10T19:21:00.001-07:00

Finally I have the time to sit and blog! haha. The past week was indeed crazy for me. I've been dragging myself to work everyday. Sighs! I'm gonna leave the company soon. Its only a matter of time. Can't take the shit load of work i get from chief. Whatever happens in the operations I'm always to be blame! wth!

Anyway, I met David Archuleta last tuesday. I am still star struck. People will go like.. its only david archuleta.. bla bla bla.. but heck. I like him! a lot! reason being, his Young, talented.. most importantly humble! Iluma shopping mall was filled with so many of his screaming fans. Well, I'm a fan but im not a fanatic! I must say he's exceptionally good looking, with fat hands cause when I shook his hands was like very "cushiony". Hes got gleaming eyes and knock out smile. He's very friendly to all of his fans regardless. Below are his performances at Iluma. One of my colleagues who just know him by name but not know how talented he was actually came by to see him perform and he was definitely impressed with his stunning vocals.

Touch my hand

A little too not over you

Thousand Miles

Crush

Special thanks to Nisha for being there too! ;) Ive been looking forward to this weekend. SO I'd have to enjoy it while I can! pfff.

when your mind wanders

2009-03-30T07:46:00.000-07:00

oh gosh.. dont you feel that sometimes you just wanna give up at some point? i do. And whether or not you made the right decisions.

Someone whom is important but who does not really play a significant role in my life told me this

"You are a strong and smart girl. I am sure you will make the right decisions"

With just that, it lifted me. figuratively of course. ;)

beauty.

2009-03-29T01:55:00.000-07:00

As much as I really like it when it rains bcoz the weather has been so hot lately, I feel rather moody and gloomy.. I'm actually having a good time just staying at home watching DVDs, being online and just relax.. but.. my butt is really itchy.. I wanna go out!! I dont really like being @ home during my off days coz i feel it'd be a total waste. I am already going to work tmr.

Oh well..There's a lot of things Im worried about @ work and I'm putting it out of my mind for now. The truth is, I dont know how long I can stay in the company. I'm just staying for the sake of staying and beautifying my resume in future. Plus, get a much higher paying job so I could still commit to whatever commitments I have now plus still being able to save up and continue schooling.

The world is indeed spinning too fast and sometimes I just wish it would pause for a moment for me to take a breather.. I want to do something beautiful..

My dream was never to be rich..never to have whatever I want in the world.. The one thing that I really want is to see and feel beauty. yes.. but not by being beautiful.. but by experiencing beautiful things that life has to offer.. Like being in some place where there are no high rise buildings or cars or roads but being on a vast piece of land facing a beautiful ocean..having the wind blowing on your face.. able to hear the sound of beautiful music playing.. lying on my back having to face a clear blue sky.. having to turn my head to the side and someone I love is embracing the moment with me.. Just being peaceful and enjoying the serenity and being.. happy. Its hard to have this picture painted perfectly in your head only to realise it is all just a fantasy and having to wake up to face the world.the reality. harsh. self centered reality.

I'm scared. Scared everyday. Things that might happen and will happen.. I have always told myself I will achieve that picture I have painted in my head. For fantasy to become a reality. For me to feel that a part of the world is not harsh and there is a tinge of happiness and beauty in it. It makes me feel more alive to hope that one day I would have that moment. I will be free.

Reality check now. Im going back to work tmr... Im not having any illusions. I will make sure what I dream becomes real.

owww.

2009-03-26T01:38:00.000-07:00

The whole corporate management of ducktours about 7 of us went to play tennis yesterday. We went to the tennis court @ kallang. Well, it was really fun considering I haven't played any particular sport in years! Practically all of us were bad at it excluding the boss.. All of us played tennis like we were playing badminton. hahaha.

Anyway, today, I feel like a grandma! My whole body is aching and it feels like I just stepped out of a fight and had bruises everywhere. haha. not really. Just that I feel extremely lethargic. My muscle ache makes me wanna do stretching all the time. oh wait wait. what i need is... a MASSAGE!

i feel so stoned during work.. My hand is aching from smacking the tennis balls.
but i dont think ive gotten enough of it, one more time next week! heh.

:p

heartache

2009-03-24T09:05:00.000-07:00

what haven't i done enough? how much more tears do i have to shed? how much longer can I hold till the pain goes away? How long more do i have to wait till you show me what you have got?

How much hurt do I have to hide and to play pretend? How much energy do i have to extinguish to prove my strength? I have always pretended to be strong to you but I am falling on my knees. why do you have to say this to me?

I am too tired. Ive drained all my energy. I have given out everything till I have none left to give. what more do you want? what more can i give?

Its all nothing but a heartache.

little dyla

2009-03-22T09:07:00.000-07:00

Some people just never fails to amuse me. I knew this guy way back last time. When I happen to be online and was catching up on things, he confessed that he likes me? erm.. my answer to him was you dont even know me. And what part of i am seeing someone did he not catch? sighs.

Anyway...Little dyla = syasya (my little sister)

We used to look very different from each other. Now the whole world is telling us we look alike. She drives me up the wall,irritating,annoying, lovely and harmless. bt shes the most reliable sister alive! ;)

Let me see.. tmr I need to wake up early to go to the Suntec management office to book a tennis court for our tennis lessons every wednesday. Tennis lessons after work? can you believe it? gosh I am gonna be so shacked. I should be sleeping soon.. reall soon.. like now perhaps. haha. good night!

back.

2009-03-21T21:38:00.001-07:00

I would say Genting is really a place of entertaiment. I just love it there... Well, I
I have several taken several pictures below bt not all pictures are uploaded. I cannot believe my leave is actually almost over.. I felt freedom from all sorts of things the past 4 days. For the first time in a long while I could finally breathe andjust enjoy myself!! I missed the weather there already Just look at the breath taking view. This wasnt the only scenic picture. There were more.. but it is on another digital camera.

I cant escape the DUCKS man!!! hahahaha! and the best WAFFLES !!

Sigh.. Back to work tmr!! bleahh. I dropped by work just now, and I saw the amount of work I have to do tmr. Ridiculously shocking. sigh. Anyway, at least I have a little something to look forward to tmr. ;)

HELLO!

2009-03-19T07:39:00.000-07:00

Guess where I am now??

GENTINGGG!! heheheheeeee.

As much as it is quite cold arond here,I certainly LOVE the weather!

I ll be back on saturday night peoples!! =))

feelings

2009-03-06T20:52:00.000-08:00

Feelings. Nobody would know your deepest and darkest feelings but yourself right?

I am confused.. I dont know why i feel this way.. What is my heart saying and telling me? All these years.. Is it still possible? It has always been difficult when I pass this phase. I cant give in to this. I need to be strong and stop holding on to it.

"Now we keep running into,been trying but we just cant break through,I know I'm gonna keep wishing I was with you, but we just gotta stop.."

In the meantime,Ill just go with the flow..

unbelievable..

2009-03-04T21:05:00.000-08:00

On tuesday, met up with Nisha,Gab ad Faezah and ehem was hours late.. well, it not my fault ok!! I was working... Anyway,had had a great time catching up with all of them. And apparently got to know things I never knew about. Hmm..oh well.. Interesting. Faezah uploaded only one picture when we took so many. lols. I want those pictures! I had a lot of fun despite being soooo tired!

The next day.. took MC. Kinda feeling drowsy and groggy.. Needed a lot of rest. Got myself 2 days MC. Still, I had to go to work for a while yesterday to complete some stuff and my clients were like calling me. grrr.

Today,people keep calling to look for me.. (-_-") so much for mc.. I need a break man.. Tmr when I come back to work, work will be piling up! man. Looks like i might have to OT tmr. :(

Cant wait for Sunday. ehemm. Missing someone extremely extremely badly.. man.. hmmm..

working hard.

2009-02-27T05:11:00.000-08:00

Esthers last day today.. I was okay all the way.. Till I read the card she gave me. I really broke down. I hope I would be strong enough without her to turn to. Anyway, they recruited my assistant today.. Sigh.. Hopefully she is good. hmm..

Guess where i am now? In the office! Loser right? Just too many things to do after she handed over to me.

Alright peoples. Gotta get back to work.

thinking back.

2009-02-21T21:37:00.000-08:00

Flashes of memories from the past haunts me every now and then.. But then again I am thankful with what I have now. The people who expresses their love and care right now is truely magnanimous.

If my secondary school friends are reading my blog now, I am very sure all of you knew how hated I was last time. From the misunderstandings, to the "prasaan jambu"(means act pretty), to the accusations, to the letters from enemies calling me "prostitute,whore,bitch". to the loner("dont be friends with her") days.. Those were the most horrible days of my life. God was testing and challenging my patience and my strength.

When I thought back, I never would have change one bit about my past. What happened in the past made me realise that what I have now was a reward for what I went through in the past. Cliche as it may seem.. Retribution never felt so real. In a good way. I always believe when you do something good, your reward would be ten times better. I never felt that I should take revenge or input any hatred. Everything happens for a reason. Misunderstandings, disputes,disagreements or conflict of interest. People change too.. for the better or worse.. Only God knows.

I am thankful for what I have now.Everyone never fails to show their love for me in their life. Although sometimes it may seem so hard.. It may seem not enough..I am still super blessed! ;)

oohh.just a passing thought..

im bugged by perfectionists man..These are people I dislike knowing about. yikes.

goodbye for the better.

2009-02-21T20:54:00.002-08:00

We are going to say goodbye to another 2 more people from the company... Leaving for the better... Anyway, we went out to lau pa sat for some satay and seafood.. following that we went for KTV!! haha. With people like my asst manager for the captains, Captain Dave and the hippy DRO Nydrah,karaoke never fails to spell out fun! ;))

Nydrah and Riche.. all geared up for KTV and lau pa sat!

At lau pa sat..

KTV!!Captain dave!

Sing Nydrah,sing!!

Thats me at the background. HAHAHAHA. so fierce!

The fun people!

Heather looks like she was squeezing me!

Too many pictures anyway.. Now that Esther is leaving us,all the work has to go to me..I really hope they would hire an assistant or something. Not looking forward to work already.. (-_-")

----------------------

Anyway,I had a falling out with someone yesterday and the day before..Well things are fine now. But I just wonder how far can love actually take someone..Small steps are better to take. Live each day at a time and maximise the time spend with each other. That way,we would not live life in regret no matter what happens in the future. Right?

V. day and more.

2009-02-14T17:40:00.000-08:00

OOO.. the lack of updates. bad bad habit. hmm. Anyway,gosh! finally a rest day for me today.

Yesterday was the ultimate moment for lovers.. And.. I just had to go to work! Anyways, we had this special thing for the valentines day couples that goes on our DUCK and RIVERCruise..

Hold Hands= $2 discount
Hug= $4 discount
Kiss=$6 discount
French=$8 discount
xxxx=xxxx

hahaha. It was really fun seeing all the couples getting into it and all. but some sadly. was so unwilling to do anything! haha. which was quite sad..

Anyway, had lunch date with mum and Rich after collecting my passport and it was kinda "not planned". But the flow of everything went well.. but.. hmm..

okay after that went back straight to office and work. gosh. on V.day. Rich was working as well. So we waited for each other and went to the RIVERCruise for some entertainment.

Well, people have been asking me, "you so busy ah?" . I practically ignored them.. er. that is obvious right? I work from 830am-6.oopm(and wont usually go back on time).. After that I usually have plans.. So.. yup.

everyday is Valentines Day.. It is just a reminder for all of us.. We tend to neglect the people we love until a special day comes and then we start to remember how special the person is.. Or if we lose a person.. then we start to remember how important the person is.. We have to be consistent about how we treat the people we love. "love" is not a word we juggle around our everyday life. Love is how each individual defines it. It is not to be tampered with. It is meant to be understood. We would have to say it like we mean it. We don't fall in and out of love and relationships.. be it with families.. or friends.. or lovers.. If love is lost.. It is not lost forever.. As much as nothing lasts..We have to admit that sometimes it is the decisions we make the determines our fate.. But the again.. Only God knows. (:

Sorry for the blurry images.. im not very good with my new phone. oh and I lost my phone!!! grr ! but got a new one with a new number though. I dont know much about this phone but i hope it is good. ANd sony ericsson rocks!

And.. didnt get to spend time with Nisha. Hopefully would be able to do it soon enough. Oh shucks!! its back to work tmr.. Ill update again some other time.. :)

webcam fun

2009-02-08T07:04:00.000-08:00

I was hanging out with Nisha and playing with my webcam. results are below.. heee=)).

good night~~~~~ gonna go back noww...

nice night out + office drama

2009-02-06T18:52:00.000-08:00

It was such a crazy day at work..My assistant director was on leave yesterday because it was her birthday. So chief duckie came to me and ask me to do some work that she was suppose to do. grr. He was flipping at me cause he said i did it wrongly and asked me what was being communicated with my asst director. I stood up for myself and told him that I am doing the correct way, which was faster and a whole lot easier. He kept on insisting but i didnt give up. In the end I guess he understood and let me do it my own way.haa... haaa.. haa... ChiefDUCKIE was listening to me. wow. applauds..

Then he came to give more and more work on top of the work I already had. grrrr. horrible horrible person. Plus one of our DUCKS broke down. Everything was just dramatic that day. sheesh.

Anyway after all that drama @ work, I went to chill out with Esther.. It was nice night out.. Going crazy and no one cares..I wen to catch my vocal instuctor playing at le baraqoue at chijmes. Play arcade.. dinner.. haha. great day but was super exhausted when i got back.

Esther Yee.. SHes an angel!!

dylaaa the devill. heh

Okay enough already! No more pictures.
.
shoo! I have to do my work now.

work,happiness and emotions.

2009-02-04T07:39:00.000-08:00

03/02/09

Sometimes..certain things in life I just give up thinking too much about it.. I have come to a point when I just give up everything to fate. I will just give the best of what I can give. Not hoping for anything. I am just tired.. Tired of everything. Tired of questioning.. why do I have to keep questioning? I wish I could do something about the situation. But now, I live one day at a time. without knowing what lies ahead for me. I dont know how to be happy or anything. Behind those smiles,Im just neutral. I want that feeling I had once before. tt affections. I need tt. more than anything else.

This is a crazy world.
These can be lonely days.
It's hard to know who's on your side,
Most of the time,


Who can you really trust? 
Who do you really know? 
Is there anybody out there, 
who can make you feel less alone? 
Sometimes you just can't make it on your own,


If you have broken dreams, 
Just lay them all on me, 
I'll be the one who understands, 
So take my hand, 

If there is emptyness, 
You know I'll do my best, 
To fill you with up with all the love, 
That I can show someone, 
I promise you you'll never walk alone, 

Well if you need a place where you can run, 
If you need a shoulder to cry on, 
Well I'll always be your friend, 
When you need a shelter from the rain, 
When you need a healer from the pain, 

I will be there time and time again, 
When you need someone to love you, 
Here I am.

1/02/09

hmm.. I have been having out with wany lately. It is always fun to hang out with her. We share a lot of things in common although shes more ehem.. sporty sportsy kinda person..

We could just hang out and talk and talk non stop till late and still our stories would not finish. haha.. Well... its a way from me to de-stress from all the work that im carrying on my shoulders now. Darn. working tmr! tired man!

sigh.

2009-01-30T17:00:00.000-08:00

CNY gathering yesterday. It was quite fun. but..
.......

I just dont understand certain things.. I feel upset.. I dont know how to accept certain things that I am not happy about. Can i do anything? No I cant. Because thats the way it is. every year. Things we do for fun can sometimes affect others. I wonder if people ever thought about it. I sat..observed. and I felt really sad. Its fun, yeah.. but. it affecting me. who would know anyway?

..Only God..merciful Allah knows how I felt.

Happenings..

2009-01-30T16:44:00.000-08:00

28/01/09

Its been quite some time since we spent quality time together so we decided on a movie.. Inkheart.. which was a quite predictable story.. apple struddle and snapple.

He looks like a MAT here. hahahaha.

**So much love.that day rocks!

27/01/09

Chinese New Year Just ended. Had so much fun during the lion dance performance @ DUCKtours with Captain Chew as the DUCK mascot. Pity I had to work that day but manage to go down from and mingle with fun for a while. Here are the pictures.

All corporate office staff. Sales & Ops team plus Chief DUCKie in white.

Sales,Business and Marketing Executives. oops i was a bit too tall.

OUR BELOVED DUCKIEEEE!! =))

There you are mascot!! DUCK captain chew.

26/01/09

I have promised someone something so I shall deliver it... I promised NISHA I would write and entry about her.. SO here goes. I have not talk to her in a long long time. Suddenly while I was at a BBQ i was pleasantly surprised when she text me.. I gave her a call and we chatted for a good 20mins or so. Many things are happening with each other that we do not even know about.
It is about time we meet up..

Anyway,I can never stop getting in touch with her. Cause out of the whole world,only she knows me the best. I can be myself without getting worried about being judged.. I can be very irritating and she'll be happily irritated with me. hahaha. We'll share our deepest darkest secrets nobody els but us will know about. Everything..almost everything. haha. Miss those times dear. We'll meet up again soooon. Abut 8yrs of friendship and hardships. haha. but still alive and going.

Nish.. you're the COOLEST person in the whole wide world!!! wooohoo. haha.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

2009-01-25T18:07:00.000-08:00

Its Chinese New Year today and I am not suppose to be working today. But here I am at work. Its not that I am free or anything. Just taking some time to do a little blogging.

Later in the evening I have a BBQ!! And I am super excited.Extremely exhausted too today cause I was not able to sleep well yesterday. Only manage to sleep towards the last 2 hours or so.

Right now, I would just have to endure 6 and a half more hours.. (-_-") shucks.

Suntec is a ghost town today.

super exhaustedddd.

2009-01-23T18:12:00.000-08:00

I came back so late last night cause went to watch 2 muvees @ Riches house. Monster Inc. and Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Also had a little hard time playing with his niece, Faith..She is ssooo naughty!! but so cuteee. Well,kids will be kids.

I have got to say that Curious Case of Benjamin Button is a really smarrttt show. I like the theory of it and everything about it although I kinda find the story a little slow.

Oh I hate hate my eyebags. See below..

I should seriously do something about it.

feeling horrible

2009-01-22T04:35:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling not too good the past few days.. Sick plus not quite in the vibe to work. Been quite emotional lately as well.

Ill try not to remember the past but sometimes it just affects me.You're different and I have to start believing it is so..sorry dear..kisses.

Been on MC since yesterday and will be back to work tmr. bleahh. I can imagine the amount of work I would have to face tmr..yikes.

I really feel like going to the beach some time soon. miss being away from urban city and find some peaceful serenity.

last year.

2009-01-21T05:53:00.000-08:00

Ill be taking my time to write a very long entry today. So please bear with me. Trying to imagine that I am catching up with someone right now. Well, not many people know about this blog of mine. Its not meant to be known anyway. Those who reads my entries would be merely reading my thoughts.

In the middle of last year, many things happen in my life.. I dont regret things that happen to me. I would learn from them but then again sometimes I am afraid to give it another chance because afraid bad things might happen again. you see? gosh. Im going around in circles. hmm, Ive actually secured a job for myself by the end of the year,got my bonus and going to upgrade my qualifications this year. And I broke up with my ex bf during end september last year I think?

Before the break up, I had a colleague who had shown me his profound interest. Who said he was happy as long as I am happy. who just showed unconditional love and care. I denied him. denied. denied. why? obviously, because I still loved someone else. because of race.

After my ex and I decided to go our separate ways,I still could not bring myself to accept him. because of race. because of commitments. Till I finally fell deeper.hmm.. too personal already.

Okay, anyway, yeah Ihad finally fallen in love and now we are together. but rough road ahead because of the differences.. but well.. going with the flow and seeing where live is taking us.

Alright.. whoah.. too much information..

okay..zipping up now.. (:

heee. :))

2009-01-20T05:22:00.000-08:00

Im definitely in love. haha.

Epidemic

2009-01-19T07:02:00.000-08:00

Wow.. I sound like some rock star. My throat hurts..Nose is like a blocked pipe. =(( Thank God I could whine and whine here and nobody would dare to get irritated by me. hahaaaa.

I left office early today. My work is almost completed so Ill just have to come back tmr and complete the rest of my stuff. January is a very slow sales month. But thanks to the flyer we kinda stole a lot of tourist from them.

Still searching and searching for a new place to call home.. Might be getting the one at Bukit Gombak. But still not very sure at the moment.

Anyway, I miss singing. Its been awhile since I attended any vocal classes the past few weeks. Now that my voice is completely gone. I can just croak all day long. grr.

I meet interesting bunch of people all the time. I just spoke to them in the evening just now. Interesting people.. hmm. There is so much to the world than what you see in front of you. It goes deeper and beyond what you expect to hear or see. haa..

Life and its infinite possibilities.

finally here again

2009-01-18T03:36:00.000-08:00

Its been ages since I last updated this blog. I have been too busy with work and people. Life,like always, has been a roller coaster ride. I feel as though I have lost the ability to write a proper entry now.

Work: The reservation system and the server has been infected by virus. which is bad because reports and such are going to be haywire and its not easy for counter staffs. Well,some say its because of the new CCTV that we have installed at all our counters in esplanade,clarkequay,orchard,suntec and even in the office. But to me, the system is just baddd.

We had a mass recruitment last week. Overwhelming response. About 200 people turn up for the recruitment only about 30 were selected.

Anyway,sometimes I get a bit stressed and paranoid @ work. When clients make last minute changes,when overwhelmed with too many things to do. gosh. The work can sometimes get too much.

Future: This year. Dip in communication managment. applyin by nxt month.

Family: I am happy with what I have now. still waiting for a miracle to happen to us.

Relationship:Never looked back. I believe love comes in all forms. I am happy now. Just afraid of whats to come.

So much for updating! Theres Garfield on 5! gonna watch!

Meet the people Session

2008-11-26T21:28:00.000-08:00

I felt like just volunteering myself to help out in the registration of the meet-the people session. A few days back my mum and I went there to meet the MP. I was so amazed by the queue!

I definitely do not mind queing up but its just that the time was from 8pm to 10pm and they only started to register people at exactly 8pm. The queue was so slow and residents were starting to complain.. At about 9.30.. the volunteers realised that the queue wasnt clearing up, they started to speed up.

They could've done that earlier! Anyway, I do not know if this meet-the-people session thingy works but I do see some of the residents getting sacks of rice to bring home. That was nice. :)

So..I just hope that my family's appeal for something.. would eventually go through..

MRT marshalls

2008-11-14T17:01:00.000-08:00

The human traffic during the morning rush is just so bad. Singapore is just too tiny. We'll be squashed like sardines just trying to squeeze into the train. Oh and not to mention guys who tries to take advantage of the situation.

So thats why..SMRT came out with..

MRT MARSHALLS!

I am not too sure if it helps that much.

but they do swipe off irritating buggers who tries to squeeze into the train even when there is no more space. And posing with their white gloves. haha.

theres is more to the world than what you see infront of you.

2008-11-02T00:20:00.000-07:00

I have always felt that people are narrow minded. that includes me as well. As much as we feel that we have got a whole chunk of problems infront of us,Im sure it would not be affecting your physiologial needs. The first slice of the maslow hierachy of needs. If you cant fullfil the first step you are not going to make the pyramid. Okay,I shall stop beating around the bush.

I have said all these to someone before. Life is indeed actually very simple but we people make it too complex to understand. Simple example. A computer. It looks like an impressive object but it is actually very simple once you learn the techniques of making one. That is why for goodness sakes we have lots of computer dealers! Well,that was just an example. What I mean is. I am not talking about family. It is okay to worry,cry,get emotional about people who are blood-related to you. But do not let emotions get to you when it comes to relationships or friendships. Something that I have come to realise.life is always about living each day at a time. We might plan the future. Expect things. But in the end it is up to God to decide where life would take you. It is something beyond your control.

If we be happy and face obstacles only when we run into them,you will never regret each day living in the world.

Earlier just now I was in town, I saw this physically challanged man whom I helped a few months back. again I saw him looking so exhausted trying to sell whatver that was in his hands. I came up to him and gave him 10bucks not wanting anything that he is selling but he forced a toothbrush in my bag. haha. It dawned on me that I should respect him as an individual by accepting whatever he is selling.

So, you see? Look at these people trying to just... survive while we get so caught up with our own emotions, thinking if that other half loves us or not or about our own insecurities etc. goodness. theres so much more to life than that. As much as it is hard to control our emotions, I always tell myself it is mind over matter. If we choose not to think about it,we could definitely do it.

My point is, the world would be so much better to live in if we have this mindset. Life is never unfair. It is a mutual balance. I have brought this philosophy in me,and will hold on to it. And it makes it easier to live life just the way it is.

:)

tell me.

2008-10-25T02:37:00.000-07:00

How do you heal a broken heart?

when everything seems complicated.

2008-10-18T10:10:00.000-07:00

Do you ever experience times when you just go speechless because you are tired of repeating yourself?

Do you ever experience times when you are just tired of trying to make someone feel better but you cant because you cannot do anything?

If you do..

I DO NOT have a solution for you!!

haaa.

Everybody feels this way once in a while. I am serious when i say its very tiring. It drains out your energy just to convince people that they are okay. As much as we love to give assurance and comfort. Sometimes,you could only be there as much. The rest is up to them.

Racism?

2008-10-16T18:30:00.000-07:00

Several hundred years ago, there was a peaceful Malay village on the island of Singapura. Life in the idyllic community was good. The surroundings were clean and neighbours were friendly. Material wealth was not something that you come by very often but people are more than happy with the abundant harvests of fish that they gather every other day.

But one day a group of foreigners arrived on the shores. They had come from China in search of a better life for themselves and their families.

At first, the villagers weren’t too happy with the sudden appearance of these slit-eyed savages. They were considered uncouth, unhygienic and inconsiderate. They spit indiscriminately, pollute the air by burning paper as a form of worship and had little consideration for the peace and quiet on the village. Worst of all, they rear and feed on pigs – an animal considered dirty on the predominantly Muslim island. The newcomers couldn’t stand the locals and their laissez-faire lifestyle either. It was a potential hotbed for conflict.

But the village elders relented to their existence anyway. This is after all God’s great earth and people should be fee to make a living where they persevere to do so. Besides if these new comers could bring prosperity to the island, why not?

The immigrants proved their worth. They worked hard and turned the puny village island into a majestic metropolis. As time progressed, the Chinese population soon overtook that of the locals by a vast majority. They soon assimilated and the races managed to co-exist peacefully. There were racial incidences every now and then but in general, everyone is aware of the need to exist as one family lest the island be returned to its past status of an insignificant fishing village. This is why we have decided to officially celebrate Don’t Hate Each Other Day Racial Harmony Day in our national schools.

The story above is obviously an exaggerated parable. It may not exactly be an accurate reflection of the past but it pretty well reminds us on how this nation was created on the blood and sweat of foreign immigrants. The economic miracle that is Singapore would not have been possible if the locals have refused to look past the perceived differences and embrace the arrivals of these foreigners. Our continued existence today depends on how these races can continue to live in peace.

But a recent incident seems to suggest that we have forgotten this reality.

A group of residents in Serangoon Gardens are furiously signing a petition that has gathered several hundred signatures. They are up in arms over the fact that a nearby school will be converted into a dormitory for foreign workers, most of whom from my understanding, will be arriving from China. Amongst the reasons given are that these Chinese workers are going to dirty the area with their notoriously uncouth habits and pollute the peaceful environment in the idyllic neighbourhood of Serangoon Gardens. Talk about De-javu.

The humour may be lost to a reader from the majority race. But to the casual observing Malay, the irony is impudent: here is a group of people, protesting the arrival of people, from a land where they forefathers had come from!

So racism is not about race after all. The incident is a timely reminder that we have the insatiable need to abhor one another regardless of our skin colour. Hate completes our emotions in mysterious ways. Race is but a convenient excuse to despise. Was it not a wise man who once said that if the human race were to wake up one morning speaking the same language and having the same skin colour, we will find a reason to hate one another by noon?

When a particular community do not hate people of other races, they will hate each other. When an inherently racist Chinese do not hate the Malays, he will hate perhaps another dialect group. When the Malays do not complain about alleged mistreatment by the Chinese, The Javanese might perhaps complain about mistreatment by the Boyanese.

This is why I have always chosen to ignore whenever a Malay brethren points to racism as the reason why Malays cannot get ahead in the rat race. I think it is complete bull crap. Discrimination is everywhere and happens to everybody even amongst people of the same race. Unfortunately some people in our community still choose to use racism as the convenient scapegoat as an excuse for their failures – even in the context of present day.

As for these foreigners, I say give them a break. Just because you live in a posh neighbourhood like Serangoon Gardens does not mean you are entitled to special privileges. We will all have to rub shoulders with people from China one day. It’s the reality here. Besides, they are working in the construction industry – a sector Singaporeans have traditionally shunned. They don’t leech the island of jobs, do not demand special privileges and will leave once their endeavour is done.

All that this futile petition has done is to expose the kind of people that live in Serangoon Gardens. Or is the same mentality permeating throughout the entire island?

accidental hurt.

2008-10-15T18:25:00.000-07:00

People word vomit sometimes. They just dont filter what they say.

Someone made a passing comment and it seems like its normal thing to say. very normal.

But little did anyone know that it hurts.

Some things you just dont want to hear.

right?

life.

2008-10-14T18:09:00.000-07:00

I am sure all of you know that what we desire and dream of is not always what we get. And sometimes you expect too much out of life that living life is very tough.

Simple,do not expect and hope for too much. Life can be complicated but we can make it simple by living each day and making the most out of it. Face each problem only when we run into it. Embrace each happiness when we are at it. Always take one step at a time.

Its ironic though.

Even after saying all these. I feel that I am expecting too much out of life. (-_-")

merely pictures.

2008-10-13T18:47:00.000-07:00

Just some sneak peeks. So people wont bore themselves to death reading this blog. Credits to Riches camera. Oh and please, these pictures are not fake.

Ouhh CLICHE.

2008-10-10T19:41:00.001-07:00

Hello everyone.

Cliche. A trite stereotype expression; a sentence or a phrase,usually expressing a popular or a common thought or idea,that has lost originality,ingenuity or impact by long overused.

Please please please. Lets be more original. Let me quote some cliche phrases.

"Live life to the fullest!"

"Believe in yourself!"

"I understand how you feel"

These phrases are used to lift us up and are supposedly inspirational. To me, it is just CLICHE. People do not get inspired hearing all these anymore. As much as it is true, we would just have to twist and turn the words to make it look more inspiring.

So,if you need to give assurance,advise people or just feels like motivating someone, those are top three phrases you should cross out XXXXXXX because people already know them. You just need to creatively put it so that they would believe it.

It is just my opinion anyway. :)

ride with class.

2008-10-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

Im sure many of you have seen this different concept in some of the 157 buses. Ouh sorry mind the hairy legs that is creeping in the picture.

Anyway, i find it extremely nice and definitely cosy. It gives a different feel boarding the bus. But is it really practical? I thought the bus with the "normal" seats could accomodate more people. Well, I am sure they have their reasons. Besides making it more funkier.

weight issues.

2008-10-07T18:18:00.000-07:00

Lets just face it. Women nowadays are soo obsessed with their weight. If they are fat they want to be skinny. If they are skinny they want to be fat.

duh. c'mon. Be happy with what you are and what you have ey?

flaunt your flesh or bones!

haha!

Renew passport picture?no such thing.

2008-10-03T07:28:00.000-07:00

As I have long abandoned my blog, I decided not to actually blog but point out issues that are never brought up or hardly brought up. Basically,this would be my humble forum.

Anyway,with regards to my title above,I am holding on to a passport with a picture that i took when i was 9 years old? Hell yeah i look different. I am quite a frequent visitor of JB.(Not that i like going there). I have an apartment there. So far, I did not have any trouble going in out. Only recently i was stopped for a total of 3 times because the people at Malaysias Customs discovered a difference in my passport picture. Of course! I am 20 now! erm..or at least i am going to be 20.

Well, I most definitely understand why they are stopping me. But hey, Our very CLEVER government does not allow replacement of passport photos! We would have to renew our passport in order to do that. Newsflash, my passport expires Aug 2009! pfft.

So I wonder what is our governments ulterior motive for doing this. Renewing passport costs a bomb. daylight robbery? why? tightening security? duh?

do not understand. never understood. never will

someone,enlighten me.